Some people call it a “sleep divorce”, and others view it as dysfunctional, but what’s the truth about couples that sleep in separate beds? Is it a good thing or a bad thing? The truth is that there are valid reasons why couples choose to snooze alone, and no matter what anybody else tells you; it’s absolutely fine (if your reasons are valid, of course) to have your own space to sleep. Today, we’re going to take a look at why couples sleep apart and why it’s totally fine.
If you’re married to someone you’re totally in love with but have sleep incompatibilities, what do you do? Do you end the relationship or choose to take the step to sleep in separate beds so that your relationship can continue to thrive? Sleeping in separate beds seems like the most desirable answer, doesn’t it? Of course, it does – you don’t want to be without your partner, do you?! Below are several good reasons to get into your own bed at night, sans your partner.
These are 14 good reasons for couples to sleep separately:
Snoring is reason enough to seek out your own space to curl up for a good night’s sleep. Nobody wants to listen to the roof-quaking snores of someone else all night, regardless of how much you love them. When one partner snores, it can really be a passion killer. You might find yourself resenting your partner for sleeping so well and for keeping you up all night.
Marriage is a whole lot easier when both partners are well rested, so if your partner snores all night long, sleeping in a separate bed makes absolute sense.
2. Need for personal space.
Some people just need their space, and that’s absolutely okay – if you are upfront about it from the beginning, that is. This may be something you know about yourself or your partner from the very start of your relationship. Wanting to sleep alone may not be a weird concept at all for you, and if you need your personal space and explain that to your partner (and you are both on board with it), then why not?
If your partner burns hot all night long and you’re finding yourself over-heating, as a result, sleep is not going to be very restful for you. In fact, it is going to be downright frustrating. Try as you might, sleeping next to someone who has a much higher sleeping temperature than you can become very uncomfortable. Sleeping in a separate bed makes perfect sense for your comfort and a restful night’s sleep.
4. Restless leg syndrome.
What is restless leg syndrome? No, this isn’t a made-up thing…it’s a real syndrome that millions of people across the globe suffer from. It’s a syndrome that’s hard to really describe unless you have experienced it before.
Restless leg syndrome (RLS) is a nervous system disorder that causes an overwhelming urge to move one or both legs. It’s not only irritating for the person who has the disorder but can be extremely uncomfortable for the spouse sharing your bed. As you move and kick your legs all night, your partner simply cannot sleep. If you or your spouse has RLS, it is a completely valid reason for sleeping in separate beds.
5. Different heating/cooling requirements.
Being comfortable while you sleep is important for both you and your partner. In fact, it is of paramount importance for your overall well-being and happiness. If you like to have the air conditioner set to chilly every night and your partner prefers to sleep in the balmy mid-summer heat with the windows open, you’re going to run into some comfort problems. Sleeping in separate bedrooms so that you can have the heating/cooling set to suit your needs is totally fine.
6. Different schedules and sleep patterns.
One of the more common reasons some married couples sleep separately is that their daily schedules are just entirely different. Perhaps your partner works the night shift while you work the day shift, or your partner has a penchant for being out late at night and comes home at the wee small hours of the morning, waking you up when they come to bed. Either way, disturbed sleep can lead to tiredness, moodiness, and general life dissatisfaction. If your daily schedule is entirely different from your partner’s, it makes sense to sleep separately.
7. To promote a healthier sex life.
You might immediately wonder if sleeping apart will cause your sex life to dwindle. This is many couples’ fear when considering separate beds. The interesting thing to note here is that couples that find their sex life has fallen into a rut often find that sleeping in separate beds can rekindle a sense of longing for their partner. In those situations, sex life tends to get better after they start sleeping in separate bedrooms.
8. Different mattress requirements.
If you like a hard mattress and your partner likes a really soft mattress, you are going to run into comfort problems. If you can’t come to a compromise where both feel comfortable on the same mattress, the logical thing to do is sleep in separate beds.
9. The smell of drinking and smoking.
When one partner smokes and drinks, there can be a problem. The partner who doesn’t smoke and drink may not like the smell of alcohol and cigarettes being breathed on them all night. In fact, it can be quite unpleasant. If this is the case, it makes sense to sleep separately so that both partners can enjoy a restful night’s sleep without having to change their regular behavior.
10. Baby duties.
If there’s a small baby in the house, there’s bound to be broken sleep for at least one parent who takes baby duty. It is not uncommon for parents to share the duties but sleep separately, so at least one partner can get a good night’s sleep.
11. Restless sleeper paired with a sound sleeper.
If you’ve tied the knot with someone who sleeps completely differently from you, you may find yourself looking for your own bed to sleep in. Suppose one partner wakes up several times a night while the other partner likes to sleep right through. In that case, it might cause problems when the restless sleeper keeps disturbing their partner’s sleep cycle. If this is the case, sleeping in a separate bed is completely understandable.
12. Different sleep and wake up times.
What type of sleeper are you? Do you go to bed and instantly fall asleep, or do you spend some time with the light on reading a book or watching TV? How does your partner sleep? Do they wake up way before you do and start rustling around, thus disturbing your sleep? If you have different sleep and wake up times to your partner, sleeping in a separate bed is actually a sign that you care about their sleep quality.
13. To appreciate the relationship more.
When you do everything with your partner, life can start to feel a little mundane. If you want to create an element of interest between you and your partner, you should craft a life where you have your own time, interests, and activities. Sleeping in a separate bed and giving each other space can really create interest in your relationship and help you to start appreciating each other more.
14. Screen time issues.
Screen time can be a point of serious contention between couples. If your partner likes to spend time on their device scrolling through media, it can create a feeling of resentment. It can also keep you up at night. If you want to remove yourself from an environment of screen-time overload, sleeping in a separate bed is absolutely reasonable.
All in all
Many couples feel an immense amount of pressure to have the “perfect” relationship, and that takes work. As couples find innovative ways to keep the relationship alive, it really comes as no surprise that sleeping separately could be one of those ways.
If you and your spouse have decided to sleep in separate beds, don’t let what others think to deter you. If it works for you, and your reasons are valid (and your relationship isn’t being negatively impacted), then there’s no reason for you to change your ways.