Understanding the difference between a friend and an acquaintance can be tricky. Aren’t they one and the same? Well, not really – they are actually quite different. If you look up the definition of both words, you will find that a friend is someone who you have an actual bond with, whereas an acquaintance is someone you have met and spoken to, but you don’t actually know.
Many people believe that the difference between a friend and an acquaintance is the level of intimacy you share, but I personally think that the difference is about a lot more than that.
Friends and acquaintances differ on very important elements of a relationship, but that doesn’t mean that you should only have one or the other. In fact, both friends and acquaintances are important to a balanced life, but it’s still good to be able to determine if someone is a friend or merely an acquaintance. It means that you know how to behave appropriately around people and know who to turn to when you truly need a friend.
Let’s take a look at simple yet important ways that friends differ from acquaintances.
Friends and acquaintances differ in terms of:
1. Personal knowledge of you.
When comparing friends and acquaintances, you would be able to notice how much more friends know about you than acquaintances. Friends have been there with you through a variety of your life’s challenges and victories, and so have quite a bit of knowledge of who you are. Acquaintances will have very limited knowledge of you, because they don’t spend much time with you.
2. Being there for you.
Who would you say is always there for you, through the good times and the bad times? Acquaintances have absolutely no social obligation to be there for you at all, but it’s quite a different story for a friend. On many occasions, a close friend is expected – and will be happy to – be there for you through all the good times, the bad times, and everything in between.
3. Socializing with you.
You can tell who your friends are by who you call up for a good night out or a quiet meal at home. Friends, especially close ones, are usually with you, regardless of the occasion. Acquaintances aren’t people you make plans to socialize with, but rather people you might bump into while out and about.
4. Knowing your fears and insecurities.
A friend might know and understand what your deep-seated fears are and what you are insecure about. Much the same, you will know the fears and insecurities of those who you consider your close friends. An acquaintance, on the other hand, probably doesn’t even know your surname (or at least how to spell it!).
5. Knowing the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Good friends are typically people who have been around for long enough to know quite a bit about you. They know more about you than just your good side. They have been there for the good times, the bad times, and the ugly times. Friends have already formed an opinion about you and have decided you are still their friend regardless of your flaws.
On the other hand, acquaintances haven’t spent enough time with you to form a proper opinion of you.
6. Relationship context.
When it comes to spending time with an acquaintance, it’s usually based on relationship context. For instance, you wouldn’t make big plans with an acquaintance. Instead, you would probably end up spending time together at a work event, at a conference, or while attending an industry seminar.
A friend, on the other hand, is someone who you actually plan to spend time with. Context doesn’t really come into play and rather depends on how you feel about each other, enjoying each other’s company, and of course, common interests.
7. Emotional investment and social value.
Close friends choose to keep in touch and spend time with you regularly because they have emotionally invested in you, on some level. Friendships are also based on social value, as it’s always fun socializing with your chose group of friends. Emotional investment plays a big role in real friendships, whereas it has very little weight in a relationship with an acquaintance.
Acquaintances usually spend time with you because of social value. They don’t know you well enough to invest emotionally, but this could change with more time spent.
8. Amount of mutual contact.
You can really tell who a real friend is by the amount of contact you have with each other. Close friends are typically in daily contact, whether by text, email, social media, or phone calls. Friends check in with each other regularly and have an idea of what is happening in each other’s lives as a result. This is not the case when it comes to acquaintances. Contact is usually based on contexts, such as work or community. And it must be noted that you wouldn’t be in daily contact with an acquaintance.
9. Comfort levels around each other.
Just how comfortable are you around the people you spend time with? When a close friend comes over, they typically make themselves right at home, as you would do if you were paying them a visit at their home. A friend will laze on your couch, turn on your TV, pet your cat and dog, and help themselves to the contents of your fridge.
An acquaintance wouldn’t just rock up at your house, and if they were invited for some reason, they wouldn’t make themselves as comfortable as a real friend would.
10. Willingness and desire to spend time together.
An acquaintance doesn’t wake up in the morning and thinks that they would love to spend time with you. An acquaintance won’t call you up and get excited about meeting you for drinks on a Friday night after work. A friend, on the other hand, will pester you to spend time with them, and you will be just as eager to the same. Friends look forward to spending time together and actively make plans to do just that, regularly.
11. Providing advice and guidance.
If you choose to take your problems to a friend and ask for advice and guidance, you can expect them to have an emotional response. A friend won’t give you strictly unbiased advice. Instead, a friend will have your best interests at heart and tell you things that might be hard to hear. If you ask an acquaintance for advice, the advice will probably be more objective, unbiased, and without context, as they aren’t familiar with the entire situation and all the pieces at play.
12. Having your back.
An acquaintance probably won’t stick up for you if people start down talking about you behind your back. The fact of the matter is that an acquaintance just won’t know enough about you to truly commit to an opinion on the topic and probably won’t feel comfortable backing you up. A friend, however, will not stand for you being badmouthed. In many cases, a close friend will have your back and stick up for you regardless of whether you are right or wrong. Friends are there for each other, no matter what.
13. Personal accountability.
You can expect for a friend to hold you personally accountable in your life. If you make a promise and don’t stick to it, a friend will call you out on it. If you have a dip in your morals, a friend will remind you of who you really are. On the other hand, an acquaintance probably won’t mind too much if you let them down, stand them up, or don’t stay true to your moral word. They won’t have invested in your relationship enough to be angered or upset by such things.
Friends are probably the most judgmental people on the planet, but they will love and support you even if you do something wrong. Acquaintances are typically less critical as they don’t know enough about you, and if you do shock them with your behavior, they probably will merely distance themselves from you.
If you take the abovementioned pointers into consideration, it can be quite easy to tell a friend apart from an acquaintance. If you’re struggling to tell where you stand, analyze the info above and ask yourself which category the person in question honestly falls into.