I have often told people that my partner is both my best friend and potentially my worst enemy. That in itself is very telling. Being in love with and dating my best friend has its perks, don’t get me wrong, but over the years, I have learned that there are definite disadvantages and drawbacks to it.
Being best friends and dating are two very different things. This is the very reason why people choose friends that they typically would not date. But what happens if you find that one of your friends – your best friend – is the type of person you could actually have a long-term relationship with? Before you take the plunge, make sure that you are well aware of what might go wrong. Familiarize yourself fully with the possible disadvantages and drawbacks before you cross that line. If you want to delve into some of the below-mentioned drawbacks, keep reading.
There are several reasons that come to my mind when I think about what could go wrong when dating a best friend. I have gone through this myself and so thought it a good idea to share them with you.
11 reasons why you shouldn’t date your best friend:
1. You have the same group of friends, which could get complicated.
When things are happy and exciting, having the same friends is great. There are no awkward and stressful introductions to whole groups of new people, and everyone already gets along. But what happens when things get confusing, or you fight or break up? Then what? It could make things awkward for everyone involved, and one of you might end up without friends or, at least, strained friendships.
2. Your friendship with your best friend could be at risk.
The moment that you cross the friendship/relationship boundary with your best friend, you put your actual friendship at risk. Understand that if things don’t go as planned and you end up splitting up, you will have lost your best friend for good. Things will never be the same between you again. Some people can make a friendship work again after breaking it off with a best friend-partner, but many people can’t.
3. You can’t discuss relationship issues with a “bestie”.
When you’re dating someone, and something annoys you or bothers you, who do you usually run to for a chit-chat and advice? Your best friend, that’s who…but now what? Your best friend is the very person you need to discuss. This could make the relationship awkward or strained. In fact, you might even become frustrated because you no longer have a bestie to discuss every intricate piece of your life with.
As a result, you might find yourself becoming a bit more withheld or withdrawn in the relationship. Coming from either partner, this can be upsetting or come across as cold.
4. It can cause undue jealousy and insecurity.
As a best friend, you have been there for most of it. You know your new partner’s ex-boyfriends/girlfriends, and you probably have a good idea of all the people that he/she is attracted to. This can leave you in a hot jealousy mess. If you don’t know how to handle these insecure and jealous feelings, you could find yourself lashing out or acting out, which can be damaging to the relationship.
5. There’s never a real first date.
As best friends, you have probably done most things together like have loads of drinks, enjoyed dinner, gone to the movies, been to the beach – you name, you have done it as friends. First dates are quite important in relationships. They are the first time you spend time alone together. It is exciting and nerve-wracking and meant to serve as an opportunity to get to know each other. It could be an anti-climax if the first date scenario is something that is important to you.
6. You will be familiar with all of their flaws.
When someone becomes your best friend, you end up learning everything about them. These things might include flaws that, as a friend, don’t really matter much – but that can change when you become partners. Remember that time he kissed another girl and didn’t tell his girlfriend at the time? Or remember that you know she sometimes lies about her whereabouts to other people? Perhaps the flaws aren’t character-related, but more physical. Maybe he burps and farts openly in front of everyone, or perhaps she has a potty mouth….
Just make sure that the flaws you are aware of are something that you can handle if the relationship had to go to the next level.
7. You’re too comfortable with each other.
As best friends, you have seen each other at your worsts. You probably haven’t spent a lot of time dressing up for each other, don’t have too many manners around each other, or don’t take each-others feelings into excessive account.
When you take a friendship into relationship territory when you are already comfortable with each other, you stand the risk of insulting your best friend or hurting his/her feelings. You might also find that you get irritated or annoyed with each other due to being so comfortable with each other so soon into the relationship.
8. Your relationship will lack surprises.
One of the best things about dating someone new is that there are surprises along the way. You get to do spontaneous things, learn exciting stuff about someone new, and really explore life together. As best friends, you probably know about all the quirks and intricacies of what makes your new partner tick. That can leave you feeling as if there is no spontaneity in the relationship or no room for surprise.
9. You may have a new void in your life.
As you venture into a relationship, you will have something new and interesting to focus on, but something will be missing…that best friend. Most people have a partner and a best friend who are separate individuals.
Best friends are great to blow off steam with and can be used to keep the relationship fresh and balanced. You know you might go out for a beer with your best friend and give your partner time to go to a movie or dinner with a best friend. It relieves some of the stress and pressure on the relationship and keeps things interesting. What happens when your best friend and partner are the same person? You suddenly develop a best friend void in your life.
10. You may assume you know everything about each other.
Being a best friend makes you think that you know your partner backward, and this can put you in a difficult position. When your partner is behaving differently, you might assume you know why. You might even make unfair judgments and assumptions because you “know”. This can put a lot of pressure on the relationship – pressure that many relationships don’t have.
11. Things might change between you.
When you step into a relationship with your best friend, you are electing to change the nature of your relationship. That might seem fine, but then things are going to change. For most people, it doesn’t feel natural to be 100% open with a partner, and when this part of the relationship changes, it might seem like you have made a mistake, or things just aren’t quite what you expected. If you are aware of this possible change and are okay with it, it doesn’t need to be a problem.
Going from “best friends” to partners is a commitment. Both of you should think it through very carefully before you actually take the step. That doesn’t mean that it is all doom and gloom. There are people who make it work and have the best relationships of their lives. But, there are those who have failed at it miserably because they weren’t fully prepared for the changes and challenges that such a scenario presents.
Consider the above possible drawbacks and disadvantages before you make any life changes decisions. Good luck!