16 Reasons a Man Should Put His Wife First Over His Mother

Last Updated on February 14, 2024 by Lifevif Team and JC Franco

mother in law folding her hands while expressign her negative attitude

Let’s talk about the very subject that puts wives on edge: the other woman. Let’s not beat around the bush…Many wives are well aware that there’s another woman in their husband’s life, and it’s one that they can do nothing about: it’s his mother. If you feel at your wit’s end because your husband keeps putting his mother before you, this one’s for you! In fact, this one is for the man in your life – let’s hope he reads it. 

To the wives; know that you are not alone. Millions of women across the globe are suffering the very same problem. Perhaps it’s time to remind your husband of a few of the reasons why you should come first. 

Dear men who put their mothers first…Putting your mother before your adoring wife is a risky business. After some time, a wife will become bored and uncomfortable with second place, and then the relationship is in danger of falling apart. 

If you are stuck between the choice of putting your wife or mother first, let’s make the decision simpler for you…choose your wife! While you don’t want to be disrespectful to your mother, your responsibility is to your wife, and there are many reasons why you should put her first. Read on if you would like to find out why a man should put his wife before his mother.

Why your wife should come before your mother – 16 reasons:

1. Choosing your mother over your wife leaves your wife feeling patronized and irrelevant.

Of course, you don’t want the love of your life to feel as if you are patronizing her or as if she is irrelevant in your life. When you marry a woman, you do so with the intention of being partners in everything. If you put your mother first, you are giving her your wife’s place in your life. A wife who feels patronized and irrelevant is not a wife that sticks around for very long. 

2. It’s a passion-killer if your mother is your number 1 lady (can you really afford to take this risk in the bedroom).

Yup, this one is true. Your wife is not going to find a man sexy if he chooses his mother over her. For a woman to get really fired up and adventurous in the bedroom, she has to feel as if she is the only woman in the world for you. That’s going to be tough to feel if she sees you always putting your mother before her.

3. Your wife is going to be around a lot longer than your mother – you need to keep the relationship alive.

This isn’t a pleasant thought, but your relationship with your wife is going to be around for the rest of your life. Spend quality time with your mother, yes, but invest your true time and attention in your longstanding relationship. 

4. Putting your wife first shows respect and honor to your marriage vows.

When you exchange marriage vows with your wife, you vow to honor and respect her. If you are consistently putting your mother first, you aren’t following through on your marriage vows, as it shows a distinct lack of respect. 

5. Your partner will have your back no matter what.

If your wife feels like she is the most important person in your life and always comes first no matter what, she will always have your back and support you in anything. If your wife feels as if she has second place in your life, you may find that she becomes less keen to put herself out there and always be there for you. 

6. It creates a firm foundation for trust.

A woman who comes first feels like she can trust her husband, especially if he is able to put her ahead of his mother. If you want your wife to trust you always, put her first…even ahead of your mother. 

7. It means that your relationship is solid.

A sign of a solid relationship is when both partners put each other first above all else. 

8. You receive more intimacy and closeness with your spouse.

couple at home

If you already put your mother first, change that and see how your wife changes towards you. A woman who is second to a mother will be distant and lack intimacy when the exact opposite is true of a woman who truly believes she holds the number one position in your life. 

9. When times get tough, your spouse will be your biggest supporter.

Have you ever noticed how those you are truly closest to will be there for you through the toughest times? If you don’t put your wife first, and it upsets her, how can you expect her to put her feelings aside and truly make herself available to you when you are going through some of the toughest times of your life? If you want eternal and unfailing support from your wife (and who wouldn’t?), put your wife first and your mother second. 

10. Putting your wife first is the secret ingredient to a marriage that lasts a lifetime.

In marriages that last a lifetime, couples who put each other first before all else are the ones that last. Any feelings of being second best are detrimental to the longevity of any relationship.

11. It provides a good example of a healthy marriage/relationship to your kids.

Don’t you want your children to end up with a partner who puts them first? If you have a daughter, would you like her to end up with a partner who puts her first or his mother first? Think about that for a bit, and then commit yourself to provide a good example for your children

12. It allows your mother the chance to live her own life and put her relationship first.

If you are living in your mother’s pocket and constantly consulting her and asking for her advice and ideas when you should be asking your wife, it’s bound to create some disturbance of a normal life for your mother. No doubt, your mother has her own partner, friends, and life that she should be focusing on. Allow her to have a healthy lifestyle by detaching yourself from her apron strings and turning to your wife.

13. It creates a sense of a team and being “in this together”.

When you get married, you become a team. It is meant to be you and your wife against the world. She is not going to feel part of your team if your mother is always there being put before her. If you want a teammate in all things in life, give your wife the attention and position she deserves in your life.

14. It keeps the romance alive. 

It’s hard for a woman to feel romantic about a man who comes across as a “momma’s boy”. If you want to keep the romance alive and keep your wife interested in you in all respects, you need to start acting independently of your mother. 

15. Your wife will reciprocate by putting you first.

When you put your wife first, she will naturally put you first. If you want to feel as if you come first in her life, you are going to need to put her first in yours. 


16. It encourages a healthy relationship between your spouse and your mother.

If you want your mother and your wife to respect each other and get along, you need to create a healthy relationship all-round. By putting your wife first, you will provide her with the opportunity to build a good relationship with your mother. If you put your mother first, your wife will be prone to developing resentment towards your mother. 

Last Word

Putting your wife before your mother is really a no-brainer. Naturally, you don’t want to push your parents away or be rude to them, but by developing boundaries, you can achieve a healthy balance between your relationship with your wife and your mother.

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This article was co-authored by our team of in-house and freelance writers, and reviewed by our editors, who share their experiences and knowledge about the "Seven F's of Life".

JC Franco
Editor | + posts

JC Franco is a New York-based editor for Lifevif. He mainly focuses on content about faith, spirituality, personal growth, finance, and sports. He graduated from Mercyhurst University with a Bachelor’s degree in Business, majoring in Marketing. He is a certified tennis instructor who teaches in the New York City Metropolitan area. In terms of finance, he has passed the Level I exam of the CFA program.